The Job of a Lifetime

The Job of a Lifetime

The Job of a Lifetime

Job Title: Mama, Mom, Mommy, Ma, Bitch.

Reports to: No one. You’re kind of the boss, even though it doesn’t always feel like it.

Job Summary: Responsibilities include caring for and loving your clients from the minute they are conceived until you die. No training is provided, you will be expected to learn on the job.

Duties and Responsibilities:

Cooking- 3 meals / day plus snacks, and most days serving multiple dinner options at different times to accommodate clients’ varying schedules and specific diet restrictions.

Driving- The job entails a lot of driving back and forth in rush hour traffic while listening to loud rap music- not from your playlist. (Note you do not get to claim mileage)

Domestic Household Chores- Laundry- every day. Light housework every day.

Shopping- For clients’ needs daily, sometimes at 10pm to fulfill urgent request at last minute’s notice.

Event Planning- Annual galas celebrating your clients’ birthdays are expected, plus additional random celebrations may be requested when your client feels bored.

Locating Clients’ Lost Contents - When items are lost, and this happens regularly, it is your responsibility to find them.

Qualifications- the ideal candidate should exhibit the following qualities:

• Self-Motivated. Generally you will not receive positive feedback or gratitude. You will however receive immediate feedback when you do make a mistake.

• Resilient. Must be able to calmly tolerate a lot of complaining, yelling, eye rolling, door slamming, and the occasional profanity.

• Highly Organized. You are expected to manage your clients’ busy schedules.

• Punctual. Must be able to attend various meetings, sports events, arts events, and school events on time.

• Psychology Degree Preferred. You will be expected to offer psychological advice for at least 6-8 years.

Hours: Approximately 15 hours / day, 7 days a week. No weekends off. Occasionally you will have to work through the night as well. (Note you do not get lieu time for working a night shift, you will be expected to show up on time the following morning).

Salary: $0. This is not a paid job.

Vacation: None.

Why you ask, would anyone sign up for this job? Because a Mother's love for her children is like nothing else in this world.

This is dedicated to all the devoted, considerate and tired Mothers out there- especially my own. Happy Mothers' Day. I love you mom.


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